I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
