If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
