You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
