walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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