Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
