We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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