This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
where am i from again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
