the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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