My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
