I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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