tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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