the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
