Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
