I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
