toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
