Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
