Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
