Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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