I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
