Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
