needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
