That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
