Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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