Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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