That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My vagina just recognized that song.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
