the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
