No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.