id be glad to
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.