as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class