Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"