Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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