you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
