Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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