u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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