haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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