I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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