Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish you could order shots online.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
