I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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