Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
