Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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