you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
