are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
