I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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