i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
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