the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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