Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize