I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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