alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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