i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
