i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
