yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Be still, my beating vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
