By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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