I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
