I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
