I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
