Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
