when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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