We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want nice things and good sex
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
