just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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