I am spending my child support on dildos
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
