We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
