like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
