I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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